There is certain stupidity in expecting of another, that which they are unable to give.
There is a greater idiocy in waiting for this circumstance to change.
Enlightenment has its own agenda. It visits sometimes, sometimes not at all, other times fleetingly. The footprint remains or is washed away.
Each day is silenced by night, yet another awaits in the gloom to shine anew.
I am processing loss. It is not only the loss of my mother, or the loss of my father. Both are now, tucked quietly into the earth. One long settled, the other freshly sown.
It is not only the loss of my innocence, my youth, my health and wellbeing, the loss of career aspirations or the loss of friendships.
This lump of solid sorrow, is the other half, of what my journey has given me. I understand the equation of balance.
Patched together, tucked beneath, I am wrapped in a quilt of loss.
I am eager for isolation, quarantined from the desire of others to collapse my loss in useless rehearsed rhetoric.
For I am not afraid to feel. I will not dishonor those for whom I truly mourn.
I am currently indisposed, to those who display cowardice, an incapacity to feel.
It is just loss in another form.
My suitcase is busted, I simply can’t carry anymore.