Many of us are wedded to an external lotus of control. We are addicted to collecting recognition of our self worth, our unique skills and abilities and yearn for the respect of others for our natural talents.
We are conditioned to seek trophies and badges, and to compete for certificates of achievement. These same paper approvals may be framed in gold and hold court in our well appointed offices. Some of us climb the corporate ladder and are rewarded by our efforts with status, power, money and a ridiculous job title.
What shape and form will the void you leave behind be?
There are a multitude of roles that we fulfil for others that we do not measure as anything other than part of the expected package. This support is not often fully unrecognised or acknowledged until it is no longer received.
Some of these roles we fulfill may include mother, father, sister, brother, husband, wife, friend or lover to name a few. We may hold the ‘Guinness Book of Records’ title for ‘most hat wearer’. All roles provide a form and quality of support to another person. We are puzzle pieces that fit into the picture of other people’s lives.
There has been untold analysis regarding the multitude of roles and their economic worth, if payment was part of the exchange and if you have XX chromosomes, you will know the balance of economic power lies elsewhere.
Who fills these roles in your absence?
Will your death feel like trying to fill the Grand Canyon with water using a bucket with a split in the side?
Do you interact with your family in such a small inconsistent way that your absence in death would be a mere formality? A day of borrowed suits?
Does nothing effect you, because you don’t take it personally?
Are you so busy collecting evidence for your ego file that your children are growing up without you?
How do you prepare your loved ones for your absence? Do you attempt to impart as much wisdom as possible? Perhaps you infuse your loved ones with values to act as signposts along the way. Do you set them up financially with your superfund or investment portfolio, hoping that everything else they can learn as they mature?
Perhaps you are the voice of reason in someone’s life, a safe port in the wilderness of grief and depression, you maybe like Jay Gatsby’s ‘green light’ at the end of the pier, be keeping the light of hope burning.
Who will fill your shoes when you are no longer able to do so? For my sons, I hope that they find counsel in lovers, partners, friends and family. I pray that they will seek counsel from those that care what void that they will leave behind and are personally invested in the lives of others.
I miss my mother. I miss her saying that I am a clever and good girl. I will miss my father telling me that I am a ‘part of his everyday’ and that ‘he loves me more than dearly’ when he too dies. Perhaps in a not too distant future, a hologram of our loved ones will be able to be accessed to advise us on our journey.
My Mother has left a void in my life, her loss is indescribable. Her life is more than a dash between dates, bones in a box, ash in an urn.