Satori moments

Breaking the bonds of childhood grief and adult trauma is a day by day challenge. In the regular rhythm of life, the ghosts of the past are silent until awoken by the remembrance of fear. When emotions are evoked by fear, the inner child calls for recognition, reaches for your hand and pleads to be taken with you into the light of the now.
I had struggled over the past few weeks, in my decision making between allopathy versus traditional medicine. I had undertaken knowledge transfer with academic fever and in the course of 12 weeks had attempted to be better informed, more enlightened and more in control. My library now boasted 15 new books, including e-books on a subject that prior I had 2 books, a legacy from my father’s earlier battle. ( I had succumbed to the lure of convenience of my iPad but unable to totally surrender to the loss of dog eared corners and smell of fresh print.)
The desire to pilot, was not new, for being in control had been a life-saving strategy that I had applied from childhood and honed in leadership. (The unconscious laugh of kookaburras high in the gum tree adjacent from my bedroom window, mocked at my self delusion that this had come without great personal sacrifice.)
I had been preparing like an actor, gathering nuances, character positioning, and honing my approach to land. My previous metaphor of a weary soldier unsure if her armour of resilience was in tact, was not reflective of my physical state, but rather by spiritual state. I had debated whether people undertaking cancer treatments were less reluctant to stepping into the ‘dark abyss’ if they were less connected in faith, or if those in faith had maintained an umbilical cord to God and were washed in saving grace.
There was little scientific research into this, and not surprisingly so, as such mind-body connections had no place in allopathy. Google search provided names like Alan Gawler, a multitude of Utube videos which stretched from Utah to Irasel, espousing all manner of cures, and the quantum doctors and metaphysical gurus, like Deepka Chopra, Louise L Hay and Dwayne Dwyer, who attempt to bring into practice the manifestations of spirit in the physical now.
I knew what I needed to do was to find my own way back on the path of self enlightenment. I had been blessed to be raised my Christian Spiritualists, who simply practiced humanity and walked the word of God. They walked the ‘road less travelled’ and did not bow to the ritualisation of dogma and the theatre of gilded costumes. My father had spent the majority of his 97 years in the practice, and debate of faith and the manifestation of such beliefs in his life and the lives of others. His bookshelves are peppered with the hollow words of atheists like Dawkins, he is unafraid to call all denominations and believers in the power of spirt as his friends. (It is in this human salad of conscious faith that his lounge room regularly stills converts to a place of great entertainment.)
In this pursuit for peace, I resumed the practice of active faith, counselling, visualisations, scripture reading, quantum physics, prayer, meditation and elder healing. I took this approach into my first cycle of chemotherapy.

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